So much to do …

Hurt_2 And yet I feel stuck.

I have thank you’s to write and Kandahar posts to get done.  Boxes to ship, belated Christmas gifts to send that my holidays or life wouldn’t give me enough time or space to get out.  Paperwork needing attention, flowers to plant, ferns to re pot, cookies to bake, good deeds that need finishing touches done to them.  Lab tests and doctor appointments to make, laundry to fold, errands to run, and a ton of other things that honestly require and deserve my attention.

And yet I feel stuck.

Stunned.

The wound at this moment is deep.

The unanswered questions not ones that will keep.

Betrayal has no justification or spin that can make it better.

First tears. Then anger.

Now a quiet silence folds around me while I try and find my way to forgiveness.

I don’t understand dishonesty at this level.  It’s just too hard to comprehend.

I’m all cried out.

I know this will pass … and that it is a process of healing when first discovering deceit.

But for now … I am stuck … and this feeling of sadness isn’t where I want to be.

It’s only the 16th of the new year and I’ve dealt with two deaths and major deceit.  I’m feeling a little exhausted with all that life has dished out at the moment …

I’ll find my way past this, but for now, for tonight, I feel very … lost.

(and I’ll certainly be happier when my blog doesn’t look so dreary & my head has moved past this space … this sucks … but at least I know it’s real and not another form of fabrication.)

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7 responses to “So much to do …

  1. Hey, I”m thinking about you and keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. So sorry this has started out so crummy! If you need to talk you know how to get hold of me…

  2. I’m sorry you feel this way. Unfortunately I can empathize far too well. If you figure out how to get “unstuck” please pass it along.
    Take Care,
    Steve

  3. Sucks that the idiots seem to be in charge these days. I’ve got a major idiot/lyer trying to besmirch my reputation.
    HUGS!!!

  4. Sending hugs to help you through this. I thought about you lots while I was away. I’ll call you soon.

  5. Hang in there. I know life is confusing but surrounding yourself in positivity is what you have to strive for. I listen to a lot of holistic music only to keep my sanity together. I love a group out of Australia called, Rivertribe. Check them out here: http://www.rivertribe.com There music calms me a lot. Hang in there!

  6. Not to sure if the message went through but I want you to know life will get better. Remember the precious memories of those who passed on and make sure to embrace all the love around you from others.
    Also, check out Rivertribe:
    http://www.rivertribe.com
    Relaxing and helps cleanse your thoughts!

  7. Hugs to you my friend. I just surfed in here to track down the Kandahar address and find that you are sad. :o(
    I know how sad feels–it sucks actually.
    It’s long past time for that roller coaster to head back up the hill. I’m not sure about you, but I’ve had enough of this hurtling down to the black hole stuff.
    :o)

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