I have thank you’s to write and Kandahar posts to get done. Boxes to ship, belated Christmas gifts to send that my holidays or life wouldn’t give me enough time or space to get out. Paperwork needing attention, flowers to plant, ferns to re pot, cookies to bake, good deeds that need finishing touches done to them. Lab tests and doctor appointments to make, laundry to fold, errands to run, and a ton of other things that honestly require and deserve my attention.
And yet I feel stuck.
The wound at this moment is deep.
The unanswered questions not ones that will keep.
Betrayal has no justification or spin that can make it better.
First tears. Then anger.
Now a quiet silence folds around me while I try and find my way to forgiveness.
I don’t understand dishonesty at this level. It’s just too hard to comprehend.
I’m all cried out.
I know this will pass … and that it is a process of healing when first discovering deceit.
It’s only the 16th of the new year and I’ve dealt with two deaths and major deceit. I’m feeling a little exhausted with all that life has dished out at the moment …
I’ll find my way past this, but for now, for tonight, I feel very … lost.
(and I’ll certainly be happier when my blog doesn’t look so dreary & my head has moved past this space … this sucks … but at least I know it’s real and not another form of fabrication.)