I have a friend whom I absolutely love that is in a tough spot. She recently broke up with her boyfriend, so she’s feeling the down side of depression right now. (he wasn’t a bad guy, but his control issues and issue/issues are… exhausting)
The cause of the breakup and the final straw for her was over a car. Years ago when they were living together (and he was in irrational, twisted, crazy land emotionally) he basically ran her car into the ground, driving it all the time for work, then, when her car needed repairs, he parked it, got a company car and never repaired her car. Not long after that they broke up – for several years.
Fast forward several years later, they are back together, working through many old issues and making pretty good progress other than an occasional brain dent and twisted truth from him. He’s been telling her for the past several months that when he gets a new car he’s going to give her his old car. Ok cool.
Her car blew a head gasket and the air conditioner either doesn’t work or is not reliable. Since they live in separate cities, she often drives (in the heat) to where he lives, to spend time with him (always at his request – and he has wanted her there more often). While her car has been being worked on (apparently by one of her neighbors – not sure what’s up with that – why she didn’t take it to a regular shop) she has been borrowing a friends car for in city driving.
So, the boyfriend finally went and bought a new car. Exciting! Yay!
But not so Yay!!
He avoids her for two days, then finally calls and tells her he doesn’t feel good about giving her his old car (like he said he would), but she can use it. Welllll…. that didn’t go over to well with her. She said he’s broken his word one time too many, so after spending the last (I think) 5 years back together, she broke up with him. She just feels he has too many control issues to deal with all of his *instructions and rules* on how to drive *his* car. It’d drive her crazy and it would be impossible to enjoy it.
Now, my dilemma.
I have a car for sale. Originally I told her I was selling it for $6000, but that if her boyfriend decided to help get her a car, I’d sell it to her for $5000. That was before the breakup and her boyfriend being a dimwit, shithead.
She wasn’t sure about my car before, but now she’s more interested. Truly, I want to help her. I know what it’s like to be stuck and need help. In trying to console her I told her I wished I could give her the car or she could just pay it off, but nothing concrete was agreed upon. Now she’s wanting to know how much is left to buy off my car and talking about wanting me to carry her, she’d make payments and also wants me to carry her on my insurance. *sighs*
First, after going over my finances and what I need, I really don’t want to sell it at the pay off price. The least amount I want to go is $5000. I have it up for sale at $5750. It blue books for $6030. I’m willing to carry her and let her pay it off at my asking price, but I’m not willing to put her on my insurance. To me, that’s just too risky. She thinks she can’t get insurance on my car, but I’m pretty sure she can.
I totally love this friend, but…. I’m so not comfortable with all of this. I totally want to help… but I’ve just taken a big loss from being screwed over by a so-called-friend last summer. I need to get as much as I can from this car to help make up for that loss and to put toward my new vehicle.
My friend, naturally, isn’t in the best of moods and she’s hurting as one might expect. I’m just – concerned… afraid to tell her where I stand with the car. I know she needs a car and I’m totally confident in the condition of my car. (excellent condition). I want to help, but I don’t want to put *me* at risk. OR worse. End up getting screwed over again.
*sighs*
This is hard shit. I wish I was in a position that I could just give her the car. But, I’m not. I know people sometimes mean well, but – good intentions don’t always happen. I just don’t know what to do…. and I don’t want to put myself in a position to be screwed over… again. She is aware of what happened to me once and I don’t think she’d ever intentionally hurt me, but… life happens… and I’m worried. I’d really like to get through the rest of the year without getting the *Dumb Blonde of the Year Award*.
My damn big heart.
*double sighs*
Blonde By Design's Blog 
Have her check on insurance if you’re going to help her out. You can’t do both, let her take over payments AND put her on your insurance. You do need to protect yourself if you make this transaction work. She needs to understand this even though she is mourning her break-up. She’s very fortunate to have you as a friend, and it’s so obvious how much you care for her. This will work out. *hugs*
I know you want to help your friend, but you also have to look out for yourself. Car insurance is a huge deal for us here in Cali and you need to protect yourself. You are doing her a huge favor by offering your car for less than it’s value and less than your asking price. I think asking to be put on your insurance is asking too much of you.I know it’s hard when it’s someone you love and they are hurting, but I think you need to stand up for youself here, sweetie. She needs to start taking care of herself and doing what she needs to. It’s not fair or fun, but life continues while hearts heal.*huggles*
Under NO circumstances do you put anyone on your insurance! You’ve GOT to be kidding! Sorry, but I truly wonder what sort of friend you have there. Sounds like an extremely needy person.. the kind you are there for within reason, but not when it means putting yourself and yours at risk. I think you’ve overextended yourself to her, as it is. Love is… how is that said? Never having to say you’re sorry. Hokey, but true.
I am afraid I have to agree with Tom, You never know what the future will bring, are you willing to accept ALL the responsibility, IF something goes wrong.In the meanwhile you are still making payments on the old car, and each month reduces that Blue Book Value, If she can pay the payoff price, I say sell it and help her find her own insurance..
Thank You, *Everyone* for your input. I agree about the insurance part. I just don’t know what to do for sure. I’d feel much better if she got her own financing (but I’m willing to start her out). I think for some reason she doesn’t feel she can… and I want to help her get unstuck. *sighs* But the last friend I tried to help SWORE she’d make things right and that cost me $1250 big ones. I’m just going to have to pray about it, think positive vibes about it, talk to her honestly and sincerely about it, and hopes she understands and isn’t still so hurt over her boyfriend winning the Dick of the YEAR Award that she doesn’t take her hurt out on me.*hugs* to all…
I wouldn’t do any of it. I wouldn’t finance the car and I wouldn’t put her on my insurance. Why? Because I’d be resentful about being too helpful after a short time. If this friend crashes your car after a couple weeks how will you feel about higher insurance payments? Having her say, “Well I’m not driving the car right now so why should I pay for it?” Friends are great until they are financially in debt to you. Please value the friendship and make her pay for everything up front. After all you are not a bank.
Diane, those are some very good points. For me, I wouldn’t be resentful about helping her at all, though. I would have worries about if anything happened to the car. I’m totally not comfortable having her on my insurance. There is much I need to talk to her about…and my worry is, it’s like she’s planning it, it seems, like it’s a done deal, so I need to speak up SOON! Many thanks!! *hugs*