I have a friend whom I absolutely love that is in a tough spot. She recently broke up with her boyfriend, so she’s feeling the down side of depression right now. (he wasn’t a bad guy, but his control issues and issue/issues are… exhausting)
The cause of the breakup and the final straw for her was over a car. Years ago when they were living together (and he was in irrational, twisted, crazy land emotionally) he basically ran her car into the ground, driving it all the time for work, then, when her car needed repairs, he parked it, got a company car and never repaired her car. Not long after that they broke up – for several years.
Fast forward several years later, they are back together, working through many old issues and making pretty good progress other than an occasional brain dent and twisted truth from him. He’s been telling her for the past several months that when he gets a new car he’s going to give her his old car. Ok cool.
Her car blew a head gasket and the air conditioner either doesn’t work or is not reliable. Since they live in separate cities, she often drives (in the heat) to where he lives, to spend time with him (always at his request – and he has wanted her there more often). While her car has been being worked on (apparently by one of her neighbors – not sure what’s up with that – why she didn’t take it to a regular shop) she has been borrowing a friends car for in city driving.
So, the boyfriend finally went and bought a new car. Exciting! Yay!
But not so Yay!!
He avoids her for two days, then finally calls and tells her he doesn’t feel good about giving her his old car (like he said he would), but she can use it. Welllll…. that didn’t go over to well with her. She said he’s broken his word one time too many, so after spending the last (I think) 5 years back together, she broke up with him. She just feels he has too many control issues to deal with all of his *instructions and rules* on how to drive *his* car. It’d drive her crazy and it would be impossible to enjoy it.
Now, my dilemma.
I have a car for sale. Originally I told her I was selling it for $6000, but that if her boyfriend decided to help get her a car, I’d sell it to her for $5000. That was before the breakup and her boyfriend being a dimwit, shithead.
She wasn’t sure about my car before, but now she’s more interested. Truly, I want to help her. I know what it’s like to be stuck and need help. In trying to console her I told her I wished I could give her the car or she could just pay it off, but nothing concrete was agreed upon. Now she’s wanting to know how much is left to buy off my car and talking about wanting me to carry her, she’d make payments and also wants me to carry her on my insurance. *sighs*
First, after going over my finances and what I need, I really don’t want to sell it at the pay off price. The least amount I want to go is $5000. I have it up for sale at $5750. It blue books for $6030. I’m willing to carry her and let her pay it off at my asking price, but I’m not willing to put her on my insurance. To me, that’s just too risky. She thinks she can’t get insurance on my car, but I’m pretty sure she can.
I totally love this friend, but…. I’m so not comfortable with all of this. I totally want to help… but I’ve just taken a big loss from being screwed over by a so-called-friend last summer. I need to get as much as I can from this car to help make up for that loss and to put toward my new vehicle.
My friend, naturally, isn’t in the best of moods and she’s hurting as one might expect. I’m just – concerned… afraid to tell her where I stand with the car. I know she needs a car and I’m totally confident in the condition of my car. (excellent condition). I want to help, but I don’t want to put *me* at risk. OR worse. End up getting screwed over again.
This is hard shit. I wish I was in a position that I could just give her the car. But, I’m not. I know people sometimes mean well, but – good intentions don’t always happen. I just don’t know what to do…. and I don’t want to put myself in a position to be screwed over… again. She is aware of what happened to me once and I don’t think she’d ever intentionally hurt me, but… life happens… and I’m worried. I’d really like to get through the rest of the year without getting the *Dumb Blonde of the Year Award*.
My damn big heart.